Dropped
by Treanz-Alyce
Summary: Our heroine tries to fix the damage caused to Tortall by too many fanfic cliches. Ch4 - Raoul tries to teach Lady Alanna how to be a knight, while Kat tackles Jon's lack of interest in the opposite sex. -ON HOLD-
1. What now?

**Title: Dropped**

Rating: G

Summary: The natural balance of things is disturbed when too many clichés are permitted to run around Tortall unchecked. Can our heroine right the wrongs and save our favourite characters from the clutches of the rabid fangirls? Warnings for snark and Raoul without his pants.

A/N: Go check out the Goldenlake forums – fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com :)

...

Chapter 1  


"Who are you, and what are you doing in my bed?" A voice demanded tartly.

Kat stirred, slowly opening her eyes. A sharp poke to the ribs brought her sitting up quick-smart. "Ouch! What's your problem?"

A sixteen year old girl stared at her. "You. Are in. My bed." She shook out her long red hair, and narrowed her violet eyes. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now."

Kat stared at her. "Uh.... One, it wouldn't be very ladylike. And uh, two... you'd uh... wreck your sheets?" She winced a little. "God, I have a massive hangover. What did I do last night?" She looked around. "I... swear this isn't where I fell asleep."

Alanna continued glaring at her. "You don't know how you ended up in MY bed? Not to mention, you partook of alcohol in the City of the Gods! Have you no shame?"

"The-wait, what?" She pursed her lips for a moment, then lay back down and pretended to sleep. She stayed that way for a full minute, until the other girl started tugging the sheet off her. "Stop it! I'm going back to sleep. So I wake up!"

The girl stopped. "You do realise that makes absolutely no sense, right?"

Kat sat up and sighed. "You're kidding right? I don't believe this." She looked around the room. "Where's my handbag? I need my iPhone."

"Your what?" The other girl was getting more irritable by the second. "I'm going to go alert the Daughters if you don't give me a satisfactory answer."

Suddenly, Kat noticed a note on the dresser next to the bed. With a sinking feeling, she picked it up and began to read.

_  
Dear Katrina,_

_  
I have dropped you into the realm of Tortall. Over the last few years it has become increasingly polluted by fanfiction, and I fear that the natural balance of things has been upset. I would greatly appreciate it if you could sort a few things out for me, and get it back to normal._

_  
I hope you don't mind the slight inconvenience!_

_  
Sincerely,_

_  
T. Pierce_

Kat reread the note a few times, and then passed it to the girl. "I'm assuming you can read? Well, there's your explanation."

The girl frowned. "Who is this Master Pierce? And why did he transport you into my bed, of all places?"

Kat felt her headache worsening. "_Mistress_ Pierce is a sort of, er, sorceress. And I think she wants me to go on some kind of... quest." She looked the girl up and down. "Who are you, exactly? It might help me figure out where to start."

The girl bristled, drawing herself up to her full (rather small) height. "I am Lady Alanna of Trebond. I'm being present at Court next week, and I'm going to romance all the dashing knights, and break their hearts. And wear lots of low cut dresses!" She sniffed at Kat, still wearing her outfit from the previous night.

"Ahh" said Kat. "I... guess I know where to begin"


	2. To Court we go

**Title: Dropped**

Rating: G

Summary: The natural balance of things is disturbed when too many clichés are permitted to run around Tortall unchecked. Can our heroine right the wrongs and save our favourite characters from the clutches of the rabid fangirls? Warnings for snark and Raoul without his pants.

A/N: Go check out the Goldenlake forums – fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com :)

**...**

**Chapter 2**

.

"I think I'm supposed to start with you." Kat bit her lip. "I don't really know how to say this but... Why are you such a girl?"

Alanna stared at the newcomer. "I'm a noble lady. Why else would I be a girl?"

Kat stood up, and began to pace the room. "You're not supposed to be a noble lady. You're supposed to be a knight." She looked at Alanna. "What happened to the switch? You know, with you and Thom. He goes off to become a sorcerer, you go become a knight?"

Alanna, looking every inch the scandalised court lady, spluttered at Kat. "How do you know about that? Who are you?"

Kat bit her lip. "I'm... a really powerful sorcerer. Yeah. And I'm here to fix the balance of nature."

"Yes, the note mentioned that. But, your name?" Alanna prompted.

"I'm Katrina of... Fief... Goldenlake!" Katrina flashed Alanna what she hoped was a confident smile.

Alanna looked thoroughly unimpressed. "I've never heard of you. But if you are as powerful as you allude to... maybe you can help me bewitch the Prince? Or his cousin Roger? I so desperately want to be a Princess." She sighed happily.

Kat stared at Alanna, somewhat disturbed. "I think we're going to have to work on that. But for now, can I borrow something to wear? I don't really want to go around in... this" She looked down at her clubbing outfit.

"Yes, I suppose we should get you some _proper_ attire. So you don't go around looking like such a prostitute." Alanna rummaged around her closet. "Obviously I don't want to give you anything too grand, since I am to be presented at Corus within the week. There must be something in here for you though. Ah-ha!" Triumphantly, she pulled out a long cotton dress in an appalling shade of green. "This was given to me by my best friend in the whole wide world, Delia of Eldorne. It's too long for me, but it'll fit you."

- - - -

An hour later, Kat was dressed in the horrid dress, with her hair expertly tied back by Alanna. "This is horrid," Kat moaned. "Why do you put yourself through this?"

Alanna bustled around the room. "At least you look mildly presentable now." She retorted. "I suppose if your quest involves me, you'll be coming to Corus with me tomorrow?"

"Sounds good" replied Kat. "Out of curiosity, how long will the trip take?"

"Well it used to take a number of weeks, but in the last few years time has become rather unpredictable. It can take anywhere from a couple of hours to three months." She paused. "Hopefully our carriage ride should be fairly uneventful. We'll be sharing a carriage with Cythera of Elden and Delia."

"You have carriages?" Kat sounded surprised. "I thought you were limited to litters?"

"It depends on the situation I suppose. Technology is another thing that has become rather upredictable of late." Alanna responded. "Now, you can go sleep on the floor. I need to go to bed and get the most beauty sleep I can so I look my most beautiful when I'm presented!"

- - - -

The carriage ride turned out to be far from uneventful. They were attacked by bandits no less than fourteen times. Each time Alanna came to the rescue, with her seemingly endless supply of knives hidden in her bosom. Her impeccable aim meant the bandits dropped dead every single time.

When they finally arrived at the Palace in Corus, Kat was most grateful. Not just for the chance to bathe, but also because it meant the temptation to push Delia out of the carriage was removed. She hadn't quite decided how she was going to go about righting the wrongs in this world, but she knew she didn't want to create _more_ work for herself.

As she stepped out of the carriage, looking very dishevelled, Kat was unimpressed to see a large group of knights gathered to see the new ladies arrive. "Don't they have anything better to do?" She muttered at Alanna. But the complaint was lost, as her companion was already introducing herself to the closest available knight.

"Ah, Thom's sister," the knight was saying. "I should have guessed, from your most beautiful violet eyes and your ravishingly red hair." He looked over at Kat. "And who might this fair lady be?" He politely enquired.

Kat stared at him for a moment, blanking out. Alanna came to the rescue. "Forgive me, Sir Gareth, this is my friend, Lady Katrina of Goldenlake."

Kat realised her cue, dipping into her best attempt at a curtsey for the knight. He ignored her, instead calling out to one of his friends. "Raoul! You sly dog, come over here! You never told us you had a sister."

Panic mode hit Kat as a tall knight pushed his way through the crowd of knights, looking confused. "Gary, what are you talking ab-"

He was cut off as Kat threw herself at him, proclaiming loudly "O' brother dearest, I have missed you so!" Quietly she hissed in his ear, "Play along! Or else!"

As Kat stepped back from him, silently praying, Raoul stared at her for a second. Slowly he said, "Yes. My, uh... sister. My dear, dear sister."


	3. Family ties

**Title: Dropped**

Rating: G

Summary: The natural balance of things is disturbed when too many clichés are permitted to run around Tortall unchecked. Can our heroine right the wrongs and save our favourite characters from the clutches of the rabid fangirls? Warnings for snark and Raoul without his pants.

A/N: Go check out the Goldenlake forums – fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com. Thank you to all my reviewers :)

....

Chapter 3

As soon as was possible, Raoul excused the both of them, citing the need to 'catch up' with one another.

He pulled her along the hallway, until he got to his quarters, and dragged her inside. Raoul walked over to his closet and pulled out a wineskin. He then sat down in front of Kat. "I am clearly missing something here. Are you another one of my father's bastards? Because I thought I'd met all of them, but if you're here for money-"

"I'm not actually from Goldenlake" interrupted Kat. "I'm definitely not related to you."

"Then who are you?" Raoul asked.

Kat hesitated for a moment. She really ought to have spent the carriage ride to Corus preparing a better backstory for when she arrived at Corus, rather than huddled in the corner of the carriage with a pillow over her head, to muffle the sound of Delia's voice. Instead, she was now facing the prospect of her cover being completely blown out of the water... unless... maybe she could tell Raoul the truth? She studied him for a moment. In the books, Raoul had seemed, well, the least unpredictable of all the characters. Alanna had already taught her though, that she couldn't rely on what she _thought_ she knew.

Throwing care in the wind, Kat decided to jump straight in. "My name is Kat, and well.. I'm not from Tortall. Truthfully I'm not even from this world. "

Raoul sat still for a moment, then peered into his wineskin. "Perhaps Douglass put some hallucinogenics in my wine again?" he mused. "I could have sworn I heard you say you were from another world."

Kat snatched the wine skin away from him. "You're not hallucinating, and I'm not insane. I was dropped in here from another time and place to fix things. Haven't you noticed that things around here have been, well, odd for the past six years? Since Thom of Trebond became a page, for instance."

Raoul stared at her blankly. "No."

"Well, things are out of order," snapped Kat. "And now I'm supposed to fix them."

Raoul reached for the wineskin hidden under his pillow. "If you're not even from this time, how do you know that anything's wrong? Do you even know anything about Tortall?"

"I know lots of things!" protested Kat.

"Like what?" Raoul wanted to know, as he took a large swig of wine.

Kat wracked her brain. "I know you're really good with your lance."

Raoul looked at her suspiciously. "Is that supposed to be some kind of euphemism?"

"Give me that". Kat snatched the wine skin off Raoul. "And no. I just... know it, ok. I read it in a book!"

Raoul started chortling. "You're telling me that someone wrote a book about me? Oh come on, did Gary put you up to this?" He pulled a wineskin out of his pocket and began to drink.

Kat smacked him on the side of the head. "If you're going to drink this early in the morning, at least make sure its high-quality stuff!" She confiscated the wine. "No one put me up to this. But someone wrote a book and you were in it." She sniffed the win. "God this is awful stuff. But Raoul, I need your help. I think I'm on some kind of quest, and I can't do it without help." She paused, serious for a moment. "Raoul, we can do this together. We'll save the world, one cliché at a time. What do you say?" Kat held out her hand for him to shake.

Instead, Raoul howled with laughter. "You-me-world? BA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" He rolled on the floor with laughter, clutching his stomach, eyes streaming. Irritated, Kat kicked him in the shins, but it made no difference.

Eventually, Raoul finished laughing enough to continue the conversation. "I'll help you out with whatever you need, but only because you are so amusing. I'll play along with your and Gary's game." He winked. "Now, where do we start?"

- - - -

Later that night, Kat was waiting up the top of the grand staircase with Raoul, waiting to be presented to the Court. Kat had dredged up a nice enough dress from another Court lady with Alanna's help. Alanna, being the epitome of feminine perfection that she was, had also helped Kat do her hair and makeup in the latest fashion.

Alanna looked absolutely ravishing in a sheer violet ballgown that left little to the imagination. It had the biggest puffed sleeves Kat had ever seen, and a neckline so low it reached Alanna's bellybutton. It was also completely backless.

"What do you think?" Alanna asked breathlessly.

Kat thought for a moment. "Its very ah, unique."

Alanna smiled prettily. "In just a few short moments, I will be the belle of the ball!" She twirled around a few times for good measure.

At that precise moment, the herald called Kat's name.

- - - -

As she descended the staircase, Kat looked around. The throne room was impressive, yes... but she'd seen better. Finally, she and Raoul reached the bottom of the staircase, and walked towards the two thrones in the centre of the room. Raoul was oddly confident, though Kat was so preoccupied that she didn't notice. When they came to the thones, she curtseyed to the King and Queen.

As Kat rose, Raoul quickly grabbed the side of her face, bringing her close to his mouth. As Kat realised what he was about to do, she desperately tried to writhe out of his grip, but to no avail. Raoul planted a giant, wet, slurpy kiss straight on her mouth. For good measure, he grabbed her butt and pulled her close to him.

After what seemed like an eternity, Raoul released her. Triumphantly, he looked over to Gary, where the young knight was standing, like the rest of the Court, silent and horrified. "Ha ha Gary. My _sister. _Right.".


	4. Learning curves

Title: Dropped

Rating: G

A/N: Thanks to Isha for betaing this! Don't forget to visit Goldenlake at fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com! **Reviews appreciated :)**

_- - -_

**CHAPTER FOUR**

- - -

The whole room was frozen in silence. Raoul chuckled to himself for a moment, until he realised he was the only one laughing. The rest of the Court looked scandalised.

"What is wrong with you?" Kat hissed at him.

"Is... is this not a joke?" Raoul whispered back, as his cheeks started to turn red from embarrassment.

"I'm going to kill you when we're out of here," Kat threatened. She turned back to the monarchs and curtseyed. "Please forgive my brother, Your Majesties," she said loudly, "He was simply wishing me good luck. It is... an old Marenite tradition our family chooses to follow." She smiled brightly.

King Roald was the first to recover. "Ah, of course, Lady Katrina. I had forgotten the custom, myself. Welcome to Court." He nodded his head in dismissal to them.

Kat silently dragged Raoul towards Alanna, Gareth and a few other people around their age. When they reached the group, the other young nobles stood there awkwardly for a few moments.

Eventually Gary spoke. "Well, that was most unusual," he remarked. "Lady Katrina, may I introduce His Royal Highness, Prince Jonathan?" He gestured towards a dashing young knight to his left. The knight looked Kat over with great interest as she curtseyed to him.

"I do say," he began, "there has been quite a lovely crop of young ladies arrive here tonight. I cannot wait to discuss art, literature, and philosophy with them, and then ask them about their feelings!" He beamed at Kat.

She looked at him weirdly. "Right, you're on my 'to do' list as well," she muttered.

Alanna flounced up to the Prince. "Your highness, I do love to dance... if only someone would ask me..." she trailed off, hopeful.

Jonathan looked grave. "Lady Alanna, I would ask you to dance, but I am restricted by my belief that physical exertion takes valuable energy away from our minds."

Kat couldn't take it any longer. "I'm leaving," she announced to the group, and strode out of the Great Hall, Raoul a few steps behind her.

"Er, Kat," he called after her. "I'm, er, sorry about before." Raoul winced as she turned around and glared at him.

"Good. You can make it up to me tomorrow." She replied.

"Tomorrow?" he asked, almost fearful. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

She smiled at him serenely. "Teaching Lady Alanna how to be a knight."

As they walked off, plotting, neither of them noticed a young noblewoman silently watching them from the shadows.

- - -

The next morning, Kat and Alanna met Raoul out in the training yards. It had been raining overnight, and the fields were quite muddy. This didn't deter Kat though – after all, she wasn't the one who was about to learn how to be a knight.

"What are we doing out here?" asked Alanna. "It's so dirty!"

"Mmm," was Kat's only reply. "Raoul, have you got all the stuff?" she called.

He turned. She could see that there was a large pile of assorted knight gear sitting on the ground beside him. "Everything I thought we might need."

"Need for what?" Alanna asked. "What do we need that stuff for?" She clapped her hands. "Is Sir Raoul going to give us a demonstration?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

Raoul looked at Kat. "You haven't told her yet?"

Kat shrugged. "I figured it would be better to tell her away from the Palace. Less things for her to blow up, et cetera." She turned to Alanna. "Long story short is that you weren't supposed to go to the convent but come here and become a knight. Now everything is messed up and I have to fix it. Sir Raoul here is going to teach you how to be a knight." Kat stepped back, ready to shield herself from Alanna's famous temper.

Alanna looked confused. "I am a lady now though. I don't want to be a knight anymore."

"Yes you do," Kat responded soothingly. "Now, Raoul here is going to teach you how to tilt. Or something."

"No thank-you." Alanna replied politely. "I don't want to get dirty."

Kat watched her for a moment, wondering what to do. Finally, she had an idea.

"RAAHHHHHHH!" Kat yelled suddenly, as she ran and tackled Alanna into the mud. The two girls tussled about for a moment, with various squeals and curses heard until finally,

"YOU. RUINED. MY. DRESS!" Alanna screamed murderously. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU."

Kat scrambled out of the mud, sprinting to hide behind Raoul.

Alanna pulled herself up, and stalked over to the pile of weapons. She pulled a staff out of the pile, and advanced on Raoul and Kat. "THIS DRESS COST FIFTY NOBLES AND TOOK THREE WEEKS TO MAKE." She screamed. "NOW IT'S _RUINED_."

Raoul's eyed widened at the advancing mud-covered noble woman. He quickly picked up his weapon, and began to back off. "Now, Lady Alanna, I'm sure your dress can be fixed. Mud just washes right off, plus-"

"NO IT DOESN'T!" Raged Alanna. "PREPARE TO DIE!" She swung her staff at Raoul, who blocked it easily.

"You have an, er, talent," tried Raoul.

"GRAHHH!" was Alanna's feral reply.

"I probably should have warned you that she has about six or seven years of anger pent up," commented Kat, as she ducked a wild blow from Alanna. "That's not very chivalrous!" She called to Alanna, ducking another blow. "Good luck!" With that, she turned and ran for the safety of the castle.

- - -

After Kat had bathed and changed into a clean gown, Kat went in search of Prince Jonathan. His behaviour last night was certainly peculiar, and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

She knocked on the door to his chambers. "Prince Jonathan? It's Lady Katrina."

The Prince opened the door. "What can I do for you?" He asked politely, adjusting his spectacles. "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm in the middle of a thrilling read on agriculture statutes of the 3rd century, and I really must get back to it."

Kat stood there for a moment, aghast. "You have a girl outside your room, and instead of inviting her in, you tell her to make it snappy so you can get back to a _law book_?" She asked, disgusted. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

Jon blinked at her, considering what she'd said. "Er... Would you like to come in, Lady Katrina?"

"I _would_ like to come into your room, Your Highness!" She replied loudly for all the servants to hear, before strutting into his room.

He closed the door behind her. "What can I do for you, my Lady?" he repeated, watching as Kat rather rudely poked around his room.

Kat was examining the bookcases lining his wall. They were crammed with books. "Since when did you read?" she asked, adding "Where are your weapons?"

Jonathan was struggling to maintain his polite mask. "My squire Thom and my cousin Duke Roger provide me with an assortment of books. I am exceedingly well read." he bragged.

"Mmhmm," Kat replied. "How often do you entertain ladies in your room?"

The Prince was shocked. "That is a rather personal question!"

Kat looked at him squarely. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"Sex is for-for love, and stuff." Jonathan stuttered. "You are so forward, Lady Katrina!"

Kat sighed. "Jon, I have been sent on behalf of-of the Gods" she explained. "They want you to be more princely."

"A prophet!" Jon exclaimed. "I have a book on the subject!" He dove to a bookcase in the corner and began digging around.

"Your Highness, no." Kat dragged him back from the bookcase. "No more books. No more scrolls." She glanced around the room. "This junk is going to have to go. And I'm going to find a lady friend for you, and get this mess fixed up."

"A lady friend?" Jon sounded terrified.

"It's what the Gods want!" Kat reassured him. "Now, what sort of lady would you like me to set you up with?"

- - -


End file.
